Thursday, January 15, 2009

Six Months Later...

"I wasted time, and now doth time waste me." -William Shakespeare

Six months later... here I am.
After months of wandering through the desert and the accompanying hallucinations (talking to fires, watching the sea part for me...) I'm ready to once again take the helm of this ship of fool. I wish that I could say that it's been a particularly interesting six months. I wish that I could say that I've had my reasons not to write. Truth is, while the last six months have contained some interesting events, the only reason I've had not to write is that I'm a slacker. (It says that in my profile.) This reminds me of the smattering of journals that lie around my house cluttering shelves and corners that otherwise would contain, well, nothing. Since I began college, back in the days before electricity, I've tried many times to keep journals. When you look at them today, one journal may have three weeks worth of entries, and another maybe a month, and the next one perhaps a week. My photographs are the same way. I always used to wear long hair. About a year before I left West Virginia for South Carolina, I got all of my hair cut off. It was the first time my hair had been short since I was still in high school. I do not have a single photograph of myself from that entire two-to-three year period! A friend's father photographed my first wedding for the cost of materials. We never had a single photograph reproduced or enlarged. As far as I know, my ex-wife still has two albums full of proofs from our wedding.

What do these things say about me? I can't commit to a long-term project? I know that already. I don't have enough self-esteem to document my life? I would argue that I don't have enough ego to document my life. I'm usually too caught up in actually experiencing my life to stop and photograph it or journal about it. That's my New Year's rationalization. I don't make resolutions very often, but rationalizations are one of my many addictions. How long can you go without a rationalization?

Well, this time is different. I lost some faith in this blog because I took the time to write it, and no one was reading it. At the moment, I still don't have much faith in people reading it, but my reason for writing it is a little different. Most of my writing these days is about promoting my band. We won't get into how successful that's been either. I need an outlet. A pressure release valve, if you will. So, I will begin anew with this beast that I've not yet come to know intimately. Maybe someone will find it and find some value in it as well. Only time will tell.

No comments: